Three Topics Today

I'd like to thank everyone for their understanding and comments regarding yesterday's entry. In the last seven years, Jane is really the only one that I've ever talked to about Cole's death and my feelings afterwards. It was nice to be able to share that experience openly for the first time. I do talk to Holly about it sometimes, but I only focus on the wreck itself to reinforce the importance of wearing a seatbelt and following the rules of the road. Holly does, after all, have a little connection to him. At Jane's suggestion, indicating a true understanding of his importance to me, we based her middle name on his name. It's not hard to figure out but I won't blatantly call it out here.

Jane and I talked about the event last night when we were making dinner. I did get a few details wrong - mainly who was with me at certain times or the exact timing of some of the events. Jane also had a different impression of my behavior that day. She says at some points, I was downright business-like and unemotional. I would tend to believe her. I often act that way in an active "crisis". I can assure you that in the weeks and months that followed, there were times when my emotions could not be held back.

Jane added one characteristic to my relationship to Cole that I feel is true. She said that we were like brothers and that his loss was nearly as impacting. Cole was an only child and there were times when his mother would refer to me as her other son. His parents, in a sense, are now childless. He was their pride and joy. They didn't seem to have a lot of money, but being young I could never tell for sure. His grandmother (mother's mother) was from England. Several months before he died, he took his mom on a trip overseas. She got to meet relatives that she'd never seen in person before. He took her all over London and a couple of other countries. It was the only time that she'd ever left the United States and I'd expect that she'll probably never leave it again. With Cole gone, I don't know how they get by each day. It would be unimaginably difficult.

I feel that I've painted Cole as a saintly individual who was the perfect best friend. He had his faults and quirks like all of us (and some that many don't have), but I feel that those would cheapen the sentiment right now. Maybe someday I'll write about them.

A few days after Cole passed away, I mentioned to Jane that I would like to plant a tree in memory of him. We both liked the idea. A few days later I was mowing the yard and I saw a tiny cottonwood tree sprout with two leaves at the edge of a flower bed in our back yard. I’m not usually superstitious, but I told Jane that this was his tree. Cottonwoods are native to Kansas; with aid from a drip irrigation system and constant pruning and fertilizing, it grew to over 30 feet tall in 5 years. The picture at the top of this page is the last photo I took of the tree before we moved away from our home in Lawrence.

Tomorrow I go for my first visit to the neurosurgeon since my surgery. I have a few questions for him:

1. What did he find during the surgery and was the final procedure in fact a single level laminotomy/discectomy?

2. How long will it be before I know if the surgery was successful? I've indicated before that I still get occasional aches, numbness and weakness in my left leg and I'm curious if it is permanent.

3. When can I resume activities like bending, lifting, twisting, mowing, swimming, etc?

4. What is the lump under the skin at the top of the incision? It feels like there is a large raisin under the skin! There is no pain when pushing on it (other than normal incision pain). It's freaky!

5. What was the puncture to the right of my spinal column used for? The actual surgery took place about 1/2 inch to the left of center of my back. About 1/2 inch to the right of center, there was a small puncture that has since closed.

6. Do I need physical therapy?

7. Can you sign a form to allow me to get a more comfortable chair at work? The one I have makes my butt and lower back really tired.

Hmm...that seems like a lot of questions. I'll have to prioritize so I get the most important ones asked first before he gets tired of me.

Have you all seen the news about the young woman who was abducted and murdered in the Kansas City area last weekend? They found her body yesterday and took a man into custody last night. He is going to be formally charged today.

I have been unusually affected by this case. On Sunday afternoon, we went into a bowling alley/ice rink for Holly's lesson. Hanging on the door was a flyer that a teenage girl was missing. I didn't think much of it because we all see those flyers from time to time. Over the weekend, I heard little bits of news about it but still didn't pay much attention. That all changed on Monday when I arrived at work and saw the flyers in our hallways. That never happens at our workplace.

Since then, I have been glued to the coverage. I feel so badly for her parents, relatives and friends. It seemed so random, so pointless. At least they were able to pin down a suspect to help bring closure to this for the family. I want to hear his motive. I want to know why he did it.

I think I am so curious because I have a daughter too. I want to know so that I can do my best to keep her out of the same situation. The abduction occurred about 6 miles (as the crow flies) from our house and the body was found about 8 miles (opposite direction) from our house. At one point, his vehicle was on a highway that is probably within a mile of our home. That's too close for comfort.